Local News

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 by Owen Scott

BETHESDA, MD -- Area man Steve Lannen, 50, recently found himself in a desperate situation. Despite inviting adults to a party, he found himself faced with entertaining the toddler of a clueless local couple. 

Grasping at straws in a house lacking any children’s toys, Steve resorted to opening different spices and allowing the child to smell them. As of writing, the child is asleep, and Steve is feeling mighty proud of himself.

by Jim Lannen

 When Steve was in high school we lived in Ann Arbor and I worked for a management consulting firm located northwest of Detroit. Our office was a 35 or 40 minute expressway drive in good weather on days when traffic wasn’t slowed or stopped because of an accident. I wanted to be in the of office early to get started doing work for which I could bill my clients. Typically, I would get out of bed at 5 a.m. or so because I wanted to be on the road before the traffic got really heavy.

Steve had a habit of putting off doing his homework until about the time I was ready for bed. I would help him but sometimes it took up to an hour to do so. By the time we finished I was really pissed! 

(Editor's Note: Steve continues to procrastinate to this day - he always gets it done, but just in the nick of time!)

by Kristine Kippins

SEATTLE, WA -- Local man charged with harrassment and indecent exposure after begging passerby to do "sunset heart hands" while naked in a hot tub. 

Charges were dropped after the arresting officer agreed that it was impossible not to view such a beautiful sunset without the ubiquitous Instagram-famous move and joined him in the revelry. 

by Jacob and Justin Barlow

YORBA LINDA, CA -- Steve's nephews would like to wish him a happy birthday!

by Jordan and Jessica Whichard

As everyone no doubt remembers, Nora and Matt’s wedding was nothing short of idyllic amid the redwoods high above the pacific. But as Steve rightly knows, a proper bar is key to a proper celebration.

After observing the bartenders for several minutes during the cocktail hour following the ceremony, Steve had seen enough. The final straw came when someone approached the bar to order one of the evening’s signature cocktails, a French 75.  

“Do you want that with vodka, or gin?” replied the young mixologist, no doubt California sober.  

Pandemic staffing shortages being what they were, Steve took matters into his own hands, jumping in to teach the bartending staff the proper way to make a French 75 and saving the guests and their cocktails for the rest of the evening. 

Here’s to a great friend and occasional bar rescuer!

by  Nita Contreras and Garrett Thompson

SEATTLE, WA -- Local couple Nita and Garrett would like to demonstrate the wide variety of talents and dimensions of Steve as shown in the photo above, including (clockwise from bottom left): 

- The great outdoorsman

- Cocktail connoisseur

- Cat lover (or rather, beloved by cats)

- Proper gentleman/gardener/wonderful host and friend

Happy 50th birthday Steve - it has been a wonderful decade getting to enjoy your company!

Georgetown resident Steve Lannen has no children of his own (that we know of) but when his friends visit, they tend to bring their own progeny along, much to the initial dismay of Steve. 

However, it turns out, Steve's refusal to talk down to children has been deemed a real hit, and they are constantly enraptured by his discussions of early-blooming winter tulips, the superiority of Michigan-based sports and why ceiling fans turn the way they do. Here is one Kai Brown, listening to why Steve puts a few tablespoons of soluable fiber in his morning coffee and the long-term benefits to one's colon. 

Other instances of Steve entertaining children include eating hot sauce to display his god-like tolerance to chilies and willingness to stack Legos for hours on end.